DEAR TWO-WEEK WAIT,

I hate you.

RADAH

Radah is a Hebrew word meaning to reign, to have control and not let the world control you.

For the past few months I haven’t worried about even trying. I have only taken my temperature when I was sick, didn’t pee on sticks of any kind and even stopped taking the prenatal vitamins that I have been on for nearly 2 years! We certainly weren’t timing a thing.

Lately I have been obsessed again. I can’t sleep. I keep thinking, “What if, what if, what if…” It’s been driving me crazy!

Today’s message at church was the last in a series about being the person who you were born to be through Christ. Specifically, it was about control. Becoming a parent has been in control of my life. It has all been about me! This is not how we were meant to live! Jesus doesn’t want you to think less of yourself, but wants you to think of yourself less.

So my goal is “to let go, and let God” because I am not in control, it is not my fault, nor is it my purpose to obsess. I need to do some soul searching, find some time to listen to God and rediscover His purpose for me. Will this be an easy task? Absolutely not, but I have the Holy Spirit on my side!

INFORMATIONAL MEETING

Yay! My husband and I are going to an informational meeting for our state fostering / special needs adoption program tonight! We will be filling out our applications and such and signing up for the training sessions!

ALMOST 2 YEARS AND EVEN MORE EXCITED!

We started TTC two years ago in October. I have had some ups and downs through this, but I will admit... mostly ups ----> I've gained almost 40 pounds! Ack! Stress is my enemy and food is my comfort and now I don't even feel comfortable getting pregnant!

Tomorrow is the day! I'm going to begin to recover myself so that we can continue our treatments... I am aiming for January which really means February (because I am a procrastinator in all things!).

On another wave-length...


I've read many blogs that described the sadness when discovering that their friends, family members or fellow infertiles get pregnant. I have even come across a few friends and family members that have been worried about my reaction to their news. SERIOUSLY!? I can't be more happy for these new babies! I was offended when my BFF asked if I was okay when I found out her sister was pregnant. I then found it funny when she asked if I was mad when my BFF told me that she herself was pregnant! LOL!


Yesterday was the most AMAZING day! I spent the entire day preparing for and helping to host my SIL's baby shower! It was the best! I can't wait to meet my new niece or nephew! My brother is so sweet and excited and my SIL is the cutest pregnant girl I have ever seen! I didn't get home from the shower until nearly 9:30 pm!


Shortly after arriving home I received an unusual phone call from a local hospital. Who would be calling me from there? I almost didn't answer it, but then a light-bulb went off and I realized it was my cousin and of course she had gone into labor! What an eventful day! Seeing the birth of this amazing new life was the best experience I've had in these last two years of TTC! I was so inspired by the courage and strength of my cousin it just made me more excited, not sad! It's really okay if I don't have a biological child! I just want to be a mommy, but gosh the experience of childbirth sure would be incredible!

AND THE WAIT CONTINUES...

It's been a long time, because there is still nothing going on. We don't have the cash flow right now to continue treatments, so we are waiting for a miracle... or tax returns, whichever comes first. We have been looking into adoption. We have filled out a few informational type forms, but haven't made any commitments to a home study yet. I think we are going to do the foster/adoption classes that are provided through our state! I don't think I am willing to deal with a teenager though... Teaching them is enough for me right now!

MURPHY'S LAW

I've had SEVERAL friends who, when pregnant, had scheduled to be induced and FINALLY went into labor naturally the day of their appointment.

Maybe it's mental.

I had an appointment scheduled for today to get a blood pregnancy test done. The point of the test was so that I could safely go on Provera to start my cycle. I knew I wasn't pregnant.

This morning... I started naturally.

Again, maybe it's mental.

:-)

ORGANIZING THE NEXT ROUND

Well... I finally got to it! I called my RE's office to talk to Nurse Pat. She is awesome, by the way. I told her I am on day 43 of my cycle now and that is VERY unusual for me (I'm a very regular 26-day kind of girl). So, now I am scheduled for a blood pregnancy test (just to confirm what I already know) and then I will be put on Provera. My body is all kinds of whacked out due to all these drugs!

I also called the RE's finance people and Kim told me that they need an up-front payment of $2665 to pay for all of the blood work and scans! Ack! Don't know where all that is going to come from all at once, but hopefully we will figure it out. We've been thinking about taking out a home equity loan to do some work on the house, so... well... I don't know!

The hubby and I are also scheduled with the lab for blood draws just in case this SUPEROVULATION round turns into an IVF round!

Getting my ducks all in a row!